got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize