WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
