I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
