dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
