I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
