He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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