all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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