The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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