I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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