No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
