Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
