the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize