it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
