no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize