When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
