She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
