so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
