just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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