It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
