2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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