youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
