Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
