Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
