LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
