So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Someone signed my nipple.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
