And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize