I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
