One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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