I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
