i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
