I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did I show you my penis last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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