I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize