he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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