I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
