sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
