somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
