i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize