his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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