There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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