How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
