i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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