well you can't waste a boner
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
