remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
