How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
