I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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