I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
