i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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