Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
