So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
