so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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