yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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