I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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