I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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