I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
