I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
