they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
