so explain again why im purple
no
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
