I look better un-naked...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
