yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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