We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
