I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
