I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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