guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
