I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
